
On days like this one, where it all seems so futile, I make a list. Not of what I need to do. I make a list of what I did do. It helps. It helps me see that I did exercise. I did deal with some business stuff that needed attention. I did call that person that needed a kind word.
I also rested today. I feel guilty when I take a nap. It’s like that shouldn’t count. But why not? If we don’t take care of ourselves, then we won’t be well enough to help everyone else who is standing in line.
I find prayer really helps on days like this. I can turn my burdens over to the One who can shoulder them. I find that praying with someone — a friend, a spouse can also bring relief. And if no one is around, I can journal my prayers. Putting it on paper takes it out of my head and brings it back down to size.
Since I developed my chronic back problem, I do have days when pain prevents me from doing everything as quickly as I would like. I have to remember that it’s ok to live my life at the speed I am living it. I can’t do as much as I once could. Is that a defeatist attitude? Or is it realistic? And who is judging me? It turns out that I am the one who is doing the judging. So maybe today I can take off my Judge robes and put down the gavel, and accept that my life is still fine – even if it is a bit slower.
I actually did accomplish more than I thought I had today. Tomorrow will give me another chance to work on those projects that I see waiting for me. I might even work in another nap.